As the War on Statues (or the Hiatus from History) progresses, there is a new directive out today from the Central Committee of the Anti-Racism Collective. Here it is in its entirety:
"Comrades,
After careful consideration we have established these new standards for spoken and written English language as well as the use of symbols. Each of these standards is designed to remove traces of racist history from America.
1. Because the letters C, O, N, F, E, D, R, A, T, S, M, and I are present in the name Confederate States Of America, they will now be banned from written usage. All words should now omit these letters since their usage might trigger some people by reminding them of the Confederacy. By way of example, since the "Democrats" is composed entirely of racist letters, that party name should now be written as "Z". We were going to use "X" but decided that since XX could be construed as sexist (as opposed to XY) use of "Z" made the most sense.
2. All people who have names that were held by any Confederate office above the rank of Captain will now be banned from ever appearing in public. Those in this group who wish to avoid this ban, must change their name to "X".
3. Anyone whose ancestors lived in the South prior to 1865 will be deprived of American citizenship.
4. All paintings held in public museums in which people are shown must be removed from display unless they depict at least one person of color, one person of Asian origin, and one person who can be seen as struggling against the patriarchy. All other works must be destroyed.
5. All literature will be screened by the staff of the central committee and must comply with these new rules or be destroyed. We will have book burnings every other Tuesday to get rid of the offending works.
"Comrades,
After careful consideration we have established these new standards for spoken and written English language as well as the use of symbols. Each of these standards is designed to remove traces of racist history from America.
1. Because the letters C, O, N, F, E, D, R, A, T, S, M, and I are present in the name Confederate States Of America, they will now be banned from written usage. All words should now omit these letters since their usage might trigger some people by reminding them of the Confederacy. By way of example, since the "Democrats" is composed entirely of racist letters, that party name should now be written as "Z". We were going to use "X" but decided that since XX could be construed as sexist (as opposed to XY) use of "Z" made the most sense.
2. All people who have names that were held by any Confederate office above the rank of Captain will now be banned from ever appearing in public. Those in this group who wish to avoid this ban, must change their name to "X".
3. Anyone whose ancestors lived in the South prior to 1865 will be deprived of American citizenship.
4. All paintings held in public museums in which people are shown must be removed from display unless they depict at least one person of color, one person of Asian origin, and one person who can be seen as struggling against the patriarchy. All other works must be destroyed.
5. All literature will be screened by the staff of the central committee and must comply with these new rules or be destroyed. We will have book burnings every other Tuesday to get rid of the offending works.
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