This week on SNL, the perfect cold open would be a skit lampooning yesterday's committee hearings where Attorney General Barr testified. It would go something like this:
Senator Blumenthal: History will judge you harshly. You concealed the Mueller Report from the American people.
AG Barr: Senator, on my initiative, the full report has been made available to the public to the extent allowed by law.
Senator Harris: I agree with my colleague. You concealed the Mueller Report from the American people and Congress.
AG Barr: Senator, the unredacted version of the Mueller Report is available to any member of Congress at the Justice Department. That has been so for over a week and so far only two Republicans have come to see it.
Senator Booker: I'm going to go further than my colleagues to show how strong and honest I can be. Mr. Barr, you concealed the Mueller Report from the American people.
AG Barr: I just said that the full report has been made available.
Senator Hirono: You lied. You lied! You need to resign for this despicable act of concealing the Mueller Report.
AG Barr: Senator, the full report has been made available. The folder each of you got from the DOJ at the hearing includes yet another copy of the report. It's that blue folder in front of you senator.
Senator Hirono: No. You lied. It says so right here on the script that my staff wrote for me.
AG Barr: Open the folder and look at the two big volumes inside. It's the report.
Senator Hirono: You don't get to run these hearings, Mr. Barr. We're here to show that you lied. Don't try to confuse things.
Senator Blumenthal: And remember you told us a few weeks back that you didn't know of any objection by the special counsel's staff to the accuracy of your letter summarizing the conclusions of the Mueller Report. That's wasn't true. Mueller wrote a letter to you didn't he?
AG Barr: I didn't speak to anyone on the Mueller staff. I called Mueller after I got the letter. He told me twice that he was NOT saying that my letter was inaccurate in any way. Mueller was upset that the media was confused about what his report meant.
Senator Blumenthal: so you lied, right?
AG Barr: No.
Senator Blumenthal: You lied!
AG Barr: (doing a crossword puzzle) No.
Senator Graham: You people have to stop this. You're slandering this man from top to bottom.
Senator Hirono: That's an outrageous move by the chairman. I think he should resign. Attorney General Barr should resign also. They both lied.
Senator Harris: I agree they both should resign.
Senator Booker: I am Spartacus.
Senator Blumenthal: It's hearings like this that make us realize just how close we have come to losing our democracy. We can't have liars testifying before Congress.
AG Barr: Look for the last time, I didn't conceal anything. You have the report. My summary was accurate; Robert Mueller agrees that it was an accurate.
AG Barr: (in an aside to a staffer) We need to investigate if there's something in the water these senators are drinking that's making them act like this.
Senators as a group: (jumping up and down) You lied.
Senator Booker (now dressed as a Roman slave): I am Spartacus.
Joe Biden (running in from the side): Hey, I want to be the first to say this: You lied. You need to resign.
AG Barr looks at his watch, shrugs and gets up and walks out.
Senator Blumenthal: History will judge you harshly. You concealed the Mueller Report from the American people.
AG Barr: Senator, on my initiative, the full report has been made available to the public to the extent allowed by law.
Senator Harris: I agree with my colleague. You concealed the Mueller Report from the American people and Congress.
AG Barr: Senator, the unredacted version of the Mueller Report is available to any member of Congress at the Justice Department. That has been so for over a week and so far only two Republicans have come to see it.
Senator Booker: I'm going to go further than my colleagues to show how strong and honest I can be. Mr. Barr, you concealed the Mueller Report from the American people.
AG Barr: I just said that the full report has been made available.
Senator Hirono: You lied. You lied! You need to resign for this despicable act of concealing the Mueller Report.
AG Barr: Senator, the full report has been made available. The folder each of you got from the DOJ at the hearing includes yet another copy of the report. It's that blue folder in front of you senator.
Senator Hirono: No. You lied. It says so right here on the script that my staff wrote for me.
AG Barr: Open the folder and look at the two big volumes inside. It's the report.
Senator Hirono: You don't get to run these hearings, Mr. Barr. We're here to show that you lied. Don't try to confuse things.
Senator Blumenthal: And remember you told us a few weeks back that you didn't know of any objection by the special counsel's staff to the accuracy of your letter summarizing the conclusions of the Mueller Report. That's wasn't true. Mueller wrote a letter to you didn't he?
AG Barr: I didn't speak to anyone on the Mueller staff. I called Mueller after I got the letter. He told me twice that he was NOT saying that my letter was inaccurate in any way. Mueller was upset that the media was confused about what his report meant.
Senator Blumenthal: so you lied, right?
AG Barr: No.
Senator Blumenthal: You lied!
AG Barr: (doing a crossword puzzle) No.
Senator Graham: You people have to stop this. You're slandering this man from top to bottom.
Senator Hirono: That's an outrageous move by the chairman. I think he should resign. Attorney General Barr should resign also. They both lied.
Senator Harris: I agree they both should resign.
Senator Booker: I am Spartacus.
Senator Blumenthal: It's hearings like this that make us realize just how close we have come to losing our democracy. We can't have liars testifying before Congress.
AG Barr: Look for the last time, I didn't conceal anything. You have the report. My summary was accurate; Robert Mueller agrees that it was an accurate.
AG Barr: (in an aside to a staffer) We need to investigate if there's something in the water these senators are drinking that's making them act like this.
Senators as a group: (jumping up and down) You lied.
Senator Booker (now dressed as a Roman slave): I am Spartacus.
Joe Biden (running in from the side): Hey, I want to be the first to say this: You lied. You need to resign.
AG Barr looks at his watch, shrugs and gets up and walks out.
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